i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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