Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
