we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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