They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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