that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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