my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
