i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
