it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
