I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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