we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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