I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Rumble strips road head = magical
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
