Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
