Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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