There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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