If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
