THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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