dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.