When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.