my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.