So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.