So drunk its hurt
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.