2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My vagina is very pro this idea