Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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