my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
