It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
