I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
