What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
