I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
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The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
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i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂