Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
