I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.