the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen