There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.