$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
