A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
