just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
