i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
