If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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