So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
