Apparently you make a good broom.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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