I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
