good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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