You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
