no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
