Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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