Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
