I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
