Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
