i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
