how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We don't watch enough power rangers
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
