i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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