connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
