Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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