just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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