I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
