i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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