We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
