I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
