Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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