there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
