It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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