I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Where is the hickey?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
