discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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