He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
