i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
