My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
