Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
