You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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