just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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