I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
And then he peed in my hair
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