I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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