I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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