just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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